Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
