dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like eating out sand paper
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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