she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize