You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
