life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
