i dont even know how to be here
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
