Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
