I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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