I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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