I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
