She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
