I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
zippers are such a cool invention
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
