the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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