i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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