Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
