Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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