My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
