well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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