this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
