So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
