What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
