mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
