Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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