I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
