your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
