I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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