And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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