whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
