i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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