community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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