Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
