I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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