There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
