somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
