Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i now understand why vodka
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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