I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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