i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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