What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
