I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did I show you my penis last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
