I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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