dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
