i need an iv and a liver transplant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
