You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
