areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
