Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
