I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
