Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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