His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
