don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
