i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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