I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize