I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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