I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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