I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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