apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
