Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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