I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
