i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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