Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
