I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
