I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
