Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
