My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have demons in me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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