When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
