In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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