based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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