I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
