my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
