I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
