The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She bit a glass in half.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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