I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
