I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
