Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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