He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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