All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
