Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
