had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
