is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
