Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
