When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
