Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
