Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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