Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
