one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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