Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
