I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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