I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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