what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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