There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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