what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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