you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
