Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize