Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
