fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
