Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
