i think my tv is drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
