This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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