If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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